MILKIN' QUICKIES (Vol 17)

In these days of skyrocketing medical costs, some superstitious
people have resorted to tossing their money in a fountain to ensure
their good health. These folks are known as "well wishers." (To coin
a phrase)

And then there was the poor little inkblot who was so upset because
his daddy was going to the pen for a long period and nobody knew when
the sentence would end.

When the judge failed to issue a search warrant for the suspect's
apartment, the swat team was ordered to stand down. The detectives
were sent home and the forensics crew was called off and the arrest
was history.

Gary Hallock

YUM! KIPPERS

Not many people realize those dough balls used in that Jewish soup are manna-factured in Matzoh-potamia in the middle yeast. Originally they were sweetened with sugar Canaan some other kind of fruit, but I can't remember the date.

Gary Hallock

STILL IN DE NILE

When Howard Carter and his crew opened the fabled tomb of King Tut in 1922, there were centuries of dust covering all of the amazing artifacts inside. It's little wonder then that the teams working inside to document the ancient tomb began to experience some breathing problems. Although they were all wearing dust masks, many of the crew were still sneezing, wheezing and hacking all the while. The sounds of all of this respiratory discomfort echoed though the hollow chambers and created quite a spooky din of background noise for the workers. When curious representatives of the news media ventured into the dig to record the historic finds, they were naturally curious about the strange noises emanating from the opening. Eager to play up the idea of a "curse" one interviewer asked Carter if he thought these eerie sounds might be some manifestation of Tut's haunting presence. "I really don't think so," replied Carter. "Even though these sounds are coming from the burial chamber. What your hearing is just our cough, I guess."

Gary Hallock

RENTS & REPEAT

As some of you may know, my family is in the apartment business.
Recently we put out a sign on the street to advertise our vacancy. It
says "Model Open - Come on in"

Before long a customer came by wanting to meet our "model" and wanted
to know exactly what sort of things she was open to.

I'm thinking about changing the sign to read. "We now have a nice
large unit. Ask about our package deal."

Gary Hallock

PSEUDO-RIDDLES

Q: Why did the suicide bomber die hungry?

A: He detonate lunch.

Q: How does a psychic determine what kind of cigarette someone smokes?

A: He uses menthol telepathy.

Q: The famed baseball player, "A-Rod" was invited to a costume party where the theme was "literary figures." He arrived wearing nothing but a Julius Caesar haircut and a laurel wreath. What literary figure was he trying to represent?

A: Alex be toga-less.

Q: What do you get if you open a gambling casino in quaint country inn?

A: A bettin' breakfast

Gary Hallock