MILKIN' QUICKIES (Vol 34)

After a long evening of worrying over her super hero husband who was off on yet another crime fighting adventure, Mary Jane switched on her webcam and spied her man on the monitor. Noticing he had a big rip in the leg of his blue & red costume, she thought to herself, "Arachnids a tough job he's doing. I really should cut him some slacks." 

A bus load of Playboy bunnies wrecked on the highway and many were injured. Some are still in un staple condition.

Then there was the neanderthal man who was hanging around with a bunch of his homo erectus pals. They kept urging him to walk upright but he said he just didn't want to get evolved.

Q: What's the difference between spreading genetic material between two plants and pissing off Pacific Islanders by trying to convert them to Christianity?
A: One results in cross pollination and one results in a cross Polynesian.

Waiting in the long restroom lines at sports stadiums, many women with small bladders have trouble minding their pees in queues.

I have a cousin who proudly boasts that he is going to study forensics in college this fall. Heck, I learned that way back in 3rd grade! It's TEN!

Emptying trash cans off the overpass into oncoming traffic was a popular prank when I was a kid. Many of my friends thought it was cool to make the drivers see trash rain down from the sky, but I refused to precipitate.

The bartender was half an hour late opening up the saloon. We told him his lame excuse that was full of holes and insisted he porous all free drinks.

I lost quite a few pounds this summer so I've decided to treat myself to a new backyard napping station. I found it in the "Hammocks are Slimmer" catalogue.

Gary Hallock