BAD HEIR DAYS

Our wand'ring minstral son Andrew is home for about 6 weeks this
summer as he attempts to refresh himself financially for another
year at the music school at the Hague in the Netherlands. Living in
the absence of meddling parents for a full year, his inherently curly
hair grew to new lengths and kinks. Upon his arrival we were a bit
surprised the see him sporting this new "natural" look and began
teasing him immediately about the unruly nature of his "fluffy do."
We suggested that he should at least brush it out a bit to try and
make it look a bit more civilized but he insisted that it looks even
worse when he does. What a nuisance that must be! I guess it's true
what they say. A man's comb is his hassle!

Gary Hallock

FISCAL FITNESS WOAHS

Lots of rumors are lately flying about the future of a certain
celebrity couple. Brad & Angelina? No! I'm talking about Fannie and
Freddie. Is one of them about to go down? They still look good on
paper but I have to wonder if there's Ben Bernanke-pankie going on? Do
you think the nation will soon loose interest? If they should split,
who gets the houses?

Gary Hallock

HAPPY FODDERS DAY

Not many people know that Mr. Ed, that famous talking horse from TV,
once sired a son. It was much speculated that this little foal would
grow up to be a talker too, but whinny grew old enough to start
talking, the only sounds he made were merely traditional horse noises.
Of course everyone was a bit disappointed about his lack of speaking
ability and the poor colt was quickly saddled with a very awkward
nickname based upon the ordinary sounds he made. What nobody ever
expected was that this young horse with the linguistic bloodline
actually grew up to be a writer rather than a rider. He eventually
authored a book about himself and his relationship with his celebrity
sire. The title of his book sounded very much like that of a well
known war novel.

What was it called? "The 'Neigh Kid' and the Dad."

Gary Hallock

MILKIN' QUICKIES (Vol 21)

If a policeman asks you to take out the trash, would that be an
officer you can't refuse?

I wanted to become a Satanist but I was chicken. That's when I started
worshiping deviled eggs.

Smooching in the back seat while you drive across Washington state. -
"To WallaWalla car-petting."

Vanna White's new autobiography. - "The Art of Linking Letters"

What if Ike Turner's ex-wife got a sex change operation? Wouldn't she
become ARGENTINA?

Lil' Abner cartoonist meets an Italian Actor at Starbuck's. - AL
CAPACINO

Gary Hallock

MILKIN' QUICKIES (Vol 20)

I'd like to meet the guys who invented turpentine. Sadly these guys are long dead so I would just be talking to ghosts. These mineral spirits.

"Cigarette cause cancer." - Truer words were never smokin'

Are ambitious young members of the landed gentry considered upwardly noble?

Most Jamaican restaurants don't serve bagels because the owners dread lox.

I went to the hardware store to buy one of those three pronged pitchforks like Neptune uses but I couldn't find one. I trident didn't find one.

Gary Hallock

DOIN' THE NASA-TY

In light of NASA's highly successful landing of another Mars probe,
don't you imagine other nations with less-than-stellar space programs
are today experiencing a bit of Phoenix envy?

Gary Hallock

MILKIN' QUICKIES (Vol 19)

Didja hear about the new airport in London that's exclusively for
sissy boys? Heathrow's like a girl.

When they hypochondriac heard there was a new medication available to
treat cardiac pain, it made his heart soar.

A publisher recently approached the Hasbro/Playskool toy company about
creating a book that celebrates the history of their popular Weebles
child's toys. Nobody at the company was interested until the publisher
reminded them that such a book pretty much writes itself.

If you heard Mr. Standish's cell phone ringing as you went by, would
that be considered passing a Miles tone?

If you buy non-precious gems on eBay can you send your funds via
PayOpal?

Did you hear about the walrus whose girlfriend refused to go steady
with him? She probably wanted to sea otters.

That walrus' promiscuous girlfriend couldn't stand his monogamous
ways so she broke up with him entirely. He was lately heard singing
the song..."You picked a fine time to leave me, loose seal."

Gary Hallock