MILKIN' QUICKIES (Vol 7)

Considering the career accomplishments of John Cleese, Terry Gilliam and even the Idle Eric, isn't Michael Palin by comparison?

When insurgents set fire to churches in Iraq, the citizens are always curious to come and watch. They're drawn like mosques to aflame. 

It's hard to believe there's such a thing as a fundamentalist preacher on TV in Afghanistan, but it's true. They're called "TALIBANGELISTS." 

When a bachelor cowboy graduates from the University of Virginia he gets a tobacco-laureate degree. I'll bet they make them roll their own diplomas.

Gary Hallock

MILKIN' QUICKIES (Vol 6)

If a sterile king requests a nobleman should volunteer to impregnate his
wife, would just one knight stand?

Did you hear about the "unflappable" vulture who ate some REALLY bad
meat?  Some said he would never get over rot.

Are those people spending time in purgatory considered dead wait?

I hear alpaca wool is used to make some types of plush animals. It might even be good for making dolly llamas but I wouldn't want Tibet on it.

Gary Hallock

MILKIN' QUICKIES (Vol 5)

Did you hear about the crafty woman who embroidered cross stitched designs on little matching undershirts for her cat and her dog? She was arrested and charged with crewel tee two animals.

Did you hear about the retired pirate who invested his booty in avast food franchise?

The sad fellow said his marriage broke up because of "exercise."  He had a habit of telling his ex 'er size was too large.

If Scott Joplin wrote mostly "ragtime" music, might his wife have considered these to be period pieces?

Gary Hallock

A REAL FAUX PAS

A young kit fox and his grandfather were walking through the woods one day when suddenly the pup heard a loud "snap."  In horror he looked down and discovered his forepaw was firmly clamped in a steel leg trap. "Well, he's had a full and rich life," thought the young fox as he happily trotted on his way, leaving the older fox to die. "Just because my gramps is going to be late, doesn't mean I have to be a fox tarrier."

Gary Hallock

MILKIN QUICKIES (Vol 4)

My friend Millicent refuses to watch TV news because she fears there might be stories about terrorism. I think terrorists make Millie tense.

You shouldn't be so eager to Chekhov titles from your reading list. Even when the stories are short, it's not good to be Russian literature.

If you want to avoid moving up to the next size pants, perhaps you should cut back on the chocolate hip cookies.

Recordings for the Blind - A good place to get the worn strings replaced on your window shades.  

Gary Hallock

IT'LL COST A FORTUNE, COOKIE

I ate at a Chinese restaurant last week and upon receiving the bill I discovered the printing was so faint that I couldn't even read my total. I asked the waiter if there was a problem was with his printer.  He said, "No. Don't you remember. You ordered the dim sum."

Gary Hallock

CRASH MEMORY

Users of a certain computer operating system are famously untroubled by viruses. Still, there has been a very strange thing happening lately to these computer users and experts are finding it tough to explain. It's not a virus really, but somehow these particular computers have been unexpectedly displaying images of fiddles. They're oddly reminiscent those crazy flying toasters from several years back, as these musical instruments just mysteriously show up on the computer screen suddenly, without warning and seemingly for no reason. There's no spam associated with it. It doesn't erase your hard drive or seem to do anything other than display cryptic photos of fiddles at odd moments. Police are having trouble establishing a possible motive for this mischief or citing any suspected perpetrators. Still, they're troubled by these "Random Macs of violins."

Gary Hallock

LEFT WITH AN MT FEELING?

Since MTV doesn't seem very interested in showing music videos these days, perhaps they should start covering golf tournaments. Then, if music-starved viewers complained they could at least let their Vijay Singh.

Gary Hallock