Thursday, November 30, 2006


I bought a bag of coffee at Hole Foods Store so I should not have been surprised to discover that it was underground.

She wanted to learn to live off the land so she joined the forage club.

Business executives in Iraq have trouble getting any work done because members of the office staff are so quick tempered. They're suffering from a lot of secretarian violence.

Whenever they started kissing passionately he would always begin to fiddle with her bra strap, which she considered to be undo pressure.

Gary Hallock

Thursday, November 16, 2006


I went to consult my favorite psychic yesterday and she had already
decorated her place for Christmas. She had dozens of little St. Nick
figurines on the shelf above her fireplace. I was kind of surprised
that she would do this sort of decorating so early in the season, but
I should have known. She's just an old Santa Mantel-ist.

I took my car to the body shop recently to have a broken door hinge
repaired. Although it's fixed now I wouldn't say the job was well
done. It was, however, well did.

I can stir the sugar in my coffee with either hand. I'm ambi-dextrose.

I have some diamond necklaces that I want to keep shiny so I think
I'll put a coat of lacquer on them. This probably sounds like a topic
for a science fiction story because it's a bit jewels varnish.

We've asked for volunteers to chair the Peer Review committee, the
Sexual Harassment committee and the Labor Relations committee. Now
Sylvia has already been in Labor for a few days and Peer's gone to
John so the only remaining question is who is to head up Harassment?

I think there's something wrong with that new Pope. He's been
addicted to something. You don't believe me? Look, It's right here in
the papacy.

Want to take a ride on my new pleasure boat? Everything on it is
state of the yacht!

Did Johann Sebastian have Bach springs on his bed?

I was no fan of Donald Rumsfeld but if we really want to protect our
borders I'm not sure we should have Gates on Defense.

Gary Hallock

Thursday, November 09, 2006


On Halloween night Mr. Hyde ran short of elixir causing him to revert to his alter ego earlier than was planned. He suffered from premature Jekyllation.

Q:  What type of tool is used to remove the roof of a meet market? 
A:  A shingles bar

Burger King slogan in South America  - Have it Uruguay!

Unchecked spread of venereal disease could easily bring a halt to syphillisation as we know it.

Gary Hallock

Friday, November 03, 2006


When Britney Spears was asked a trivia question she was stumped for an answer until her husband Kevin fed her a line.

Sign on the boxing promoter's door: Altercations done while you wait.

Alice was so forgetful she would let food in her refrigerator rottweiler dog went hungry. 

Daffynition: Alcoholism - a fall from grapes 

Gary Hallock

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


After serving 35 years on TV's popular game show, The Price is Right, the host is finally going to retire next year. I imagine he'll now have more time to concentrate on his sideline of neutering dogs. That right, he'll still Bob Barkers.

Gary Hallock


There was a severe shortage of fuel for witches brooms for this year. To save on expenses some were seen riding about on their more efficient mop heads.

It's lucky that Halloween fell on a Tuesday this year because witches & warlocks don't like to work on Wiccans. 

Did you hear about the old krone which wuz halving a badd spel?

And then there was the lazy old mutt that hung around with the Wiccans. That is not a dog witch haunts.

Gary Hallock