SONOFABITCHUARY

British Petroleum today sadly notes the passing of 36 million gallons of crude oil in the Gulf of Mexico. "Much as we will mourn the loss of this important asset to our organization, after the collapse of her rig, the patient's condition took a steep dive," a PB spokesman said.  "Despite our best efforts at life support, the situation quickly deteriorated and we were forced to pull the plug." The oil is survived by family members, Tar Ball, Top Kill, Secondary Plume, and countless gallons of water fouled. The body will lie in several states until funnel arrangements can be made. Service stations are pending.

Gary Hallock