LEPUS YEAR

We almost didn't have an egg hunt this year because the Easter bunny
was arrested. An illegal substance was discovered on some of his eggs
so they colored him. Hopping to do thump-thing about this tragedy, I
decided to raise some doe or perhaps burrow a few bucks in an effort
to spring him. We went to find out what jellied bean put in. We all
parade they wouldn't eggs cute him without hutch trial.

"He's just a bad egg," said the district attorney. "He is a relative
of that notorious terrorist, A Bunny Doll. Fur there more he's been
seen carton eggs around for ears, so we know he's hiding something.
Because he's a re-Peter fender, unless the rabbit welshes, he could
be hare 'till he dyes." (Assuming he doesn't Paas away first)

"But you arrested him without a warren, this is hare-assment," I
complained. "Why don't chocolate him out so he can do his job?"

The mystery substance on the eggs was first reported to be crack, but
after chicken it out, the police admitted it was just a small amount
of grass and they really cottontail who put it there.

"They were just grasping at straws and had no case," said Mr. Bunny's
lawyer, Marsha Mallow. "The charges were just a yolk. They wanted to
make an eggs ample out of my client. but they shell not do it."

Although Mr. Bunny has now posted bound and is currently running
free, this dozen eggsactly mean the tail is up. His case still has
to to to a pellet court where he will his fate will be determined by
a jury of his peeps.

(Adapted from the spring 1992 issue of my chronically late zine, Pun
Intended)

Gary Hallock

CAPITAL HILARITY

This Sunday (April 2) marks the beginning of the Bush administration's new Daylight Wasting Time program. The White House is asking every loyal American to do their plagiaristic duty by helping Dubbya broaden his vocabulary base. After learning it was on the edge of distinction, President Bush personally pledged a renewed effort to save the rare and endangered thesaurus from the brink of obliviousness. At the stroke of midnight on Sunday, please dig deep into your pocketbook and spring for a word.

Gary Hallock