LEAVE WELL ENOUGH LEONA

Although she's not been a popular punch line for several years, everyone still knew and remembers the late Leona Helmsley as the cantankerous "Queen of Mean." Little wonder then that her death notice appeared on the "Ol' Bitch-uary Page" of the paper. 

Speaking of bitches with paper, did you hear that she's left 12 million bucks to her dog, "Trouble?" Ordinarily I wouldn't give a pug nickel for a Maltese, but in this dog-eat-dog world, you have to respect a dog with dough. Any mutt who is that well heeled should consider making some shrewd financial investments. Perhaps the dog could buy out Michael Vick's contract.

Gary Hallock

THE MUSIC OF LOVE

Setting the proper mood for love making is very important for many singles "on the make." Picking the right time and place to turn on the charm and make your move is a true art. Of course selecting the proper mood music is also a key ingredient in the process of seduction. Depending on degeneration and culture you came of age in, the ultimate vocal seductions might have been provided by Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley or Randy Travis.  For many people of my generation no  there was no voice more effective for the task than the velvet tones of Barry White. 

Whatever your age or skill level is, it's not fair to expect your favorite song stylist to do all the work. In ardor to accomplish the perfect seduction many other factors have to considered. A fine meal, soft lighting and good hygiene all play a role here as well. Beyond selecting the proper music, by far the most important of these other ingredients would be creating the proper time and place. If you can't be fairly certain that your seduction won't be interrupted or your date made uncomfortable by the an awkward ambiance, then you might as well save your seduction music for another time and just play something else. Early in the evening I would always get a good idea whether or not I was going to "get lucky." At that crucial moment when I would go to select the proper record, my policy always was, "If love venue is wrong, I don't want a B. White."

Gary Hallock