MILKIN' QUICKIES (Vol 33)

There are good grounds for the reputation of brewed coffee as a potent stimulant. When you drink enough of it, you're bound to be perky later. Learn to espresso yourself!

If you try to amputate the pedal digit of a ghost you're bound to spill some ick toe plasm. 

Mayonnaise the time I've wondered what might happen if nobody enforced Cole's law. That would be pure Hellman!

There's a group of women's advocates that is lobbying to have Old Faithful declared to be female. They contend that something that dependable could not be a guy, sir.

Can you recall the name of that little town near Duluth? Oh, that's a real know Brainerd.

She hired me to stand guard on her jewels so I was able to overlook her vaults.

My crazy architect wants to make a larger opening in the front of the building. I really don't know what's going through that edifice. 

Gary Hallock

POSING PIGEONS IN THE PARK

Down by the boat dock in the park I've recently noted that one pigeon had begun decorating himself with shiny found objects such as paper clips or discarded aluminum pull tabs. As soon as they saw this, several other young pigeons began to emulate him and collected their own bits of litter to serve as "jewelry." Naturally this resulted a good deal of squab bling among his piers. 

Gary Hallock

FLIGHTS OF FANCY

"Ticketless" air travel has been around for a few years and now even boarding passes are going electronic. It won't be long before your plane flight will leave behind no paper trail at all. This will be good news for many men who have always been troubled with their "receipting airlines." 

Gary Hallock

GRAPE EXPECTATIONS

For thousands of years the making of wine has begun with the vigorous stomping of grapes. Considering the many diseases that could potentially be spread by this method, I'm hard pressed to understand why this is preferable or even allowed. Does anyone have in cider inflammation? 

Gary Hallock

MILKIN' QUICKIES (Vol 32)

If you're drilling for water and strike oil, could you consider
that occidental petroleum?

If you want to polish the furniture on a U-boat without anyone
noticing it, should you use subliminal?

If you're teaching beginners to dribble a basketball, should you
first lay out the ground drools?

If you are timing the progress of a boat with a chronometer and it
achieves a certain speed while you're observing it, might you report
"Knot on my watch."

If a female masseuse is called in to "work over" members of a musical
troupe but is not allowed to wear latex gloves, would she have to rub
'er band with rubber banned?

If you wanted to end it all by leaping off a cliff but a thick fog
rolled in just before you made your leap, would you be jumping to
occlusion?

If an escaped prisoner caught a ride with Siamese twins, should you
consider them conjoined?

Gary Hallock

A: EAT PREY, LOVE!

Q: What did the Cockney lioness say to her cub at meal time? 

Gary Hallock