MERGER SHE WROTE

In a stunning case of the tail wagging the dog, last week Nestles
swallowed up Jenny Craig. Now we hear that Johnson & Johnson has
purchased Pfizer Pharmaceuticals, the makers of Viagra. How much
larger do they expect to grow? Perhaps they should add on another
Johnson.

Gary Hallock

STAYING POWER

I was visiting a friend who has an enormous collection of shoes in
his closet. He was proudly giving me a tour of his collection, which
included not only a large amount of shoes, boots, sandals etc. but
also quite an array shoe-related accessories and paraphenalia.

Along one wall of his enormous closet he had dozens of those funny
wooden foot-shaped inserts that are used to help shoes hold their
shape when not being worn. For some reason he had all of these
contraptions separated and labeled by season. One particular pair of
the wooden devices, however, bore a label with a more specific date,
"June 21."

"What's the deal with that pair?" I asked. "Do you only use them on a
certain date?"

"Yes," he replied. "Those are my "summer sole stays."

Gary Hallock

DARK SIDE OF THE FARCE

I never use the "darkest" setting when making croutons because I'm
black toast intolerant.

Gary Hallock

SUMMER HOTTER THAN OTHERS

Often hot women get even hotter when they're on the beach. This is
not to say that they're any better looking, but you'd better not be
looking at them the wrong way in those string bikinis or they'll get
crochety and agitated. Naturally once the thong is sanded, the malady
still lingers on. Of course the sight of sunbathing women is hard to
top, so I'm kind of strapped to come up with any good lines about
that. What actually impressed me the most at the beach recently was
not a woman, but this one guy I spotted who had apparently spent the
entire week basking in the sun. His skin was a golden brown color and
had such a sensuous texture that it really made me...oh...I'm sorry,
I was apparently getting off on a tan gent.

Gary Hallock

WIRELESS WOMEN THERE?

I told my wi-fi was heading down to the coffee shop to do some
websurfing but I thought she wouldn't be welcome. I think the place
is exclusively for guys since they got broad banned.

Gary Hallock