YOU KNOW THE DRILL

The poor woman wasn't really trying to kill herself. She was probably just a blonde practicing for her try-out on the drill team. If she didn't have such a twisted mind she would have consulted her drill instructor. He could have told her to press the yellow handle up to her scull instead of the dark bit. It's obvious tome that he got screwed when the black end decked her.

Gary Hallock

TWITTER QUIPS

I don't know how anyone in the banking industry could complain? Getting a a bunch of lute in a federal bailout is nothing T'ARP over.

Did you see the hot new female robot from Japan? They should make a black model and call it a "Trans-sistah." <http://tinyurl.com/dctlal>

After eating a tasty tenderloin baked in a pastry crust I realized I must be allergic to cow meat. How'd I know? - Beef's swelling tongue!

Early in the space race the sanitary conditions were not too strict on NASA's launch pads. That's why the astronauts were always having boosters shot.

Gary Hallock

MARGINAL MADNESS

I don't know much about the "March Madness" basketball playoffs but it
doesn't seem to me that anyone could make picks with any confidence
unless they have inside information that certain teams are planning to
"throw the game." Ya know what they say, "If it ain't fixed, don't
bracket."

Gary Hallock

HIRE EDUCATION

A particular university with branches in Los Angeles, Santa Barbara &
Seattle has a new research program aimed at improving the scores of
under-performing students. The theory is that under achievers can
boost their IQ by ingesting massive amounts of vitamins A, C & E. The
control group participating in the study is known as "Antioch's
Dense." [Side note: I don't believe this therapy works on free radical
students.]

Gary Hallock

MILKIN QUICKIES (Vol 26)

Last week in the midmorning sky, many people witnessed a dramatic blazing meteor plunge to earth over Texas. Such a thing is very rare in daylight and those who didn't see it are very skeptical. They're calling it a fiery tale story.

Vain environmentalists are mostly concerned about improving their own ego systems.

While doing some landscaping one day, I busted a rock in half and discovered something that appeared to be the calcified remains of an human appendage. Thinking this might be an anthropological breakthrough, I took it to a local archaeologist to have him assess it. Turned out I was mistaken, it was just a fossil arm.

When corn farmers have trouble with their crop yield, they used to resort to crop rotation. Recent studies suggest that rotation can cause your kernels to get dizzys and can even lead to crop circles. Many farmers are now embracing a new concept for irrigating corn crops that includes a slow drip infusion distilled from popular soft drink. This new system is called a "Coke leaker in plant." It's supposed to be very good for weak ears. You might be a maized.

Gary Hallock