MILKIN' QUICKIES (Vol 10)

Critics of Bush's immigration policy have taken off fence at his latest proposal and now find themselves up against the wall.

When he saw me fiddling with my old fashioned film camera, a friend suggested I should switch to digital. I replied, "Don't stop me now. I'm on a roll."

The Mafia godfather decided to drop his objection to the kinky sex acts between some of his henchmen. From now on he's going to let bi-goons be bi-goons.

Those sitting on coven's membership committee are having a hard time keeping their witch about them.

Q: On what "personals" website did Soccer star David Beckham meet his wife?
A: www.myspice.com

Jesus preached that it didn't matter how much money you have. This is known as his "Sermon on the Amount."

And then there was the sanitation department employee who commuted to & from work on horseback - "The sewer man on the mount."

Gary Hallock

TOO SWEET SUITE

This is the story of a particular opera opera critic who was really quite a purist. He rarely approved of any production that didn't remain true to the original scripting, costumes or settings. By far the most disturbing variants for him to suffer through were productions  where a director had attempted to "lighten up" a piece by adding unnecessary humorous schtick, puns or pratfalls. Probably the most outraged he ever became was that time he attended a staging of the Leonard Bernstein operetta based on a Voltaire story. The director had embellished the script with numerous additional bits of wordplay and puns, and most of it was really lame stuff. Later the reviewer said he felt like rushing home to brush his teeth because he'd just spent three hours chewing on Candide corn.

Gary Hallock

MILKIN' QUICKIES (Vol 9)

Fresh out of law school, an ambitious young elf applied for a position on Santa's legal staff. During the job interview St. Nick asked, "Who was  your previous employer?" In reply, the diminutive attorney inquired of Santa, "Who was your previous imp lawyer?" 

Although many people think he's screwed up things pretty badly in the middle east, Donald Rumsfeld has never been wishy-washy about America's involvement in Iraq. Why do we still see him sitting on defense?

Sign on Congressman Mark Foley's desk: "YOUNG BUCKS, STOP HERE"

If you attempt to cure all your ills by drinking chilled champagne, I think that should qualify on your insurance plan as "fizzy cool therapy."

Gary Hallock

MILKIN' QUICKIES (Vol 8)

The hung-over cowboy got up early one morning, watched the horizon and suddenly realized he had forgotten to pay her off last night. 

With so much at stake in the mid-term elections, both parties are trying to drum up extra votes by turning over every rock looking for the under-sided voters. 

Did you hear about the new gay baseball team in Pennsylvania? It's the Philadelphia Frillies. 

"I've lost a lot of weight," Tom expounded. 

If you have sugar on both your hands wouldn't that make you ambi-dextrose? 

Prescription for a romatic evening out with a mule skinner - Jackass 2 & Jackass stew. 

When the Tinman of Oz gets horny, does he full metal jacket? 

If Smokey ate Bambi and then took a dump in the woods, wouldn't he just be passing the buck?

Gary Hallock